Without getting into the details, I was hospitalized last year, off & on, for two weeks because I had a relapse of mental/emotional depression. This, however, was my first trip to a mental health care facility in a hospital. At the time, I knew I needed help and treatment, but I didn't know what to expect, having heard about those people "kicked out of society", and who never could go back sanely.
Fortunately, I was spared the nightmares one may associate with these facilities; for example, I avoided electroshock therapy. It scares me to death because of how powerful it can be. One wrong move, and you forget everything. Within a month of being admitted, medication worked and I am progressing forward: slowly but surely.
I was appreciative of all the medical staff did. I did not see any evidence of patients being tampered with or overpowered. That warm feeling became a sickening thud in my stomach the minute I happened upon a website detailing psychiatric films of yesteryear.
The specific one I quote here was 1967's "Titicut Follies" by Frederick Wiseman, which showed how a mental ward of those days operated while trying to point out the brutality that was everyday occurrences back then. Treatments were not as advanced and people weren't as nice as they are now. But seeing just the photos from this movie made me ill. It can be found on the website www.cinemaniastigma.com and the review is partially quoted:
"Through the unobtrusive presence of the camera, the viewer becomes a witness to dehumanizing practices such as the strip-search of the new arrivals in the large admissions hall of the hospital, which was filled with dozens of men in various states of dejection and upset. Over and over, the viewer is tempted to put a halt to this humiliating process, but finds himself thwarted by the unswerving determination of the hospital staff and the immutability of the camera... Wiseman’s film was perceived as so damaging to the institution’s practices that it became subject to a legal injunction preventing its public screening for over twenty-five years."
-Peter Stastny, M.D.
Now this makes me more likely than ever to disguise any recurring symptoms I may have, because now I fear a trip back to that hospital, in case I run into anyone who's out for blood & guts, not my own clean bill of health. If fear could ever end up with a positive situation resulting, this is my best proof.
May 31, 2006
May 30, 2006
The year 1997 is a perfect fit
Thank goodness for friends who still email you when you've chalked yourself off as being forgotten. Darlene, who I spent ten years working with in television work (arguably the best ten years of my life) emailed me to say she would like me to attend the last production session of her cable access show. I emailed her back today to let her know I will be there, barring any problems at work.
Television is what I'm supposed to be doing, and what I received an honors degree for in college back in 1997. Though I basically worked behind the scenes, I've also done some on-camera shows myself about sports & local history. In the last four or so years, however, I've been way-layed by my job and a condition that had me hospitalized last year and keeps popping up today from time to time - not to mention egos of jealousy & resentment from people I thought I knew working with.
Many people quote the Thomas Wolfe saying, "You can't go home again." TV production was always home for me. Compare the 2006 version of me with the 1997, and you see two totally different people. I was not the friendless friend I harped on a few days ago in this space. I had friends left & right, plus important contacts with people of all walks of life. I was wearing suits & ties to formal meetings, not parading around as the gap-toothed "sweathog" I am at work now. It's almost as if I went from upper- to lower-class in the span of nine years. To say I want to get back to what I knew then is like saying birds need bread in the winter to survive in Michigan: obvious logic.
But what's the best way to approach it? The best way to re-establish contacts with these same people who I know have written me off as bitter and with an agenda? I have no agenda. If I was cocky before, I'm more humble now. I can look at them straight in their faces and tell them. Will I take the ball and run with it? Absolutely. It's doing them a favor and doing me a favor by enabling me to forget the past nine years. I would do the same for anybody if the roles were reversed.
But how to get them to believe me, and to pay attention to someone who truly wants to help and make a difference? And show them I mean it this time?
----------------------
I read with interest in today's paper about President Bush signing the "Respect For Fallen Veterans" act, which prohibits protests at military funerals and has harsh penalties for violators. I was ready to pounce on this as being another infringement on our Bill Of Rights, but I am now convinced this was the right thing to do. Just take a look at what people are protesting; more about the sexual preferences of some of the military and our country's acceptance of it. There are other outlets for the opposition to speak their minds; right in the middle of a solemn ceremony honoring our fallen heroes is not the place to do it. I do not consider that to be a violation of the Constitution.
I do not support the Middle East initiative and the way we've been going about it, but as a military unit in whole, I will always support the troops. For what they have done, my thoughts are with them, regardless of what qualities the individual may possess on their own time.
Television is what I'm supposed to be doing, and what I received an honors degree for in college back in 1997. Though I basically worked behind the scenes, I've also done some on-camera shows myself about sports & local history. In the last four or so years, however, I've been way-layed by my job and a condition that had me hospitalized last year and keeps popping up today from time to time - not to mention egos of jealousy & resentment from people I thought I knew working with.
Many people quote the Thomas Wolfe saying, "You can't go home again." TV production was always home for me. Compare the 2006 version of me with the 1997, and you see two totally different people. I was not the friendless friend I harped on a few days ago in this space. I had friends left & right, plus important contacts with people of all walks of life. I was wearing suits & ties to formal meetings, not parading around as the gap-toothed "sweathog" I am at work now. It's almost as if I went from upper- to lower-class in the span of nine years. To say I want to get back to what I knew then is like saying birds need bread in the winter to survive in Michigan: obvious logic.
But what's the best way to approach it? The best way to re-establish contacts with these same people who I know have written me off as bitter and with an agenda? I have no agenda. If I was cocky before, I'm more humble now. I can look at them straight in their faces and tell them. Will I take the ball and run with it? Absolutely. It's doing them a favor and doing me a favor by enabling me to forget the past nine years. I would do the same for anybody if the roles were reversed.
But how to get them to believe me, and to pay attention to someone who truly wants to help and make a difference? And show them I mean it this time?
----------------------
I read with interest in today's paper about President Bush signing the "Respect For Fallen Veterans" act, which prohibits protests at military funerals and has harsh penalties for violators. I was ready to pounce on this as being another infringement on our Bill Of Rights, but I am now convinced this was the right thing to do. Just take a look at what people are protesting; more about the sexual preferences of some of the military and our country's acceptance of it. There are other outlets for the opposition to speak their minds; right in the middle of a solemn ceremony honoring our fallen heroes is not the place to do it. I do not consider that to be a violation of the Constitution.
I do not support the Middle East initiative and the way we've been going about it, but as a military unit in whole, I will always support the troops. For what they have done, my thoughts are with them, regardless of what qualities the individual may possess on their own time.
May 29, 2006
I'm not the only one that can't age out
This year in Michigan, particularly the past two weeks, the allergy bugs out there have played no favorites - they've attacked everybody. I'm amazed I even made it out of bed this morning, with chest congestion, head stuffed up, nose plogged, throat sore, eyes watery and a sneeze every ten seconds. Thank goodness the allergy medication took effect!
The allergy season got off to a late start this year, what with the weather being cool for May, but it's really picked up, and it's not even cottonwood season yet! The silver lining? Two co-workers were sniffling & sneezing it up yesterday in my department, which disproves the notion given to me some time ago: that as you age, the allergies tend to go away. My co-worker Dave told me he can't remember the last time he was coughing so much. My cousin's been under the weather as well. So it's true, folks: you can't pass off allergies around here as just a poor excuse.
Allergies have been an annual May & September occurrence for me since age four. I am allergic to almost everything outside except dust and dog/cat dander/fur. I won't soon forget the procedure I had done at age 11 to find out the source of my allergies. It was the longest two hours I ever spent at the pediatician. They injected about two dozen syrums of different pollens & allergens into your back, marked them, and then you had to lay on your stomach for nearly an hour without moving an inch. The fact I had extreme urges to twitch around within the first five minutes of that hour was enough to drive me nuts. I ended up babbling the entire time with endless conversation that caused my mother to leave the room twice in aggravation. She could not fathom how uncomfortable I was. And this was in the day where I didn't have back trouble; were I to get the tests now, I'd have to get my back injected by what I call "deadening formula".
Turned out I was allergic to almost everything green out there (money included, these days), and I ended up getting booster allergy shots for seven years afterward. But they did nothing; I never even passed the maintainence phase for seven years, which baffled the doctor. So I learned to live with the symptoms from then on. This year is worse than the last three, and I'm praying for June to come quick so these pollens can pass on through.
This, along with the 96 degree heat index, will preclude me from doing my normal Memorial Day running as detailed yesterday - maybe tomorrow. Anyway, I already know the answer to my flag question and I know I won't suffer shock tomorrow if I go.
The allergy season got off to a late start this year, what with the weather being cool for May, but it's really picked up, and it's not even cottonwood season yet! The silver lining? Two co-workers were sniffling & sneezing it up yesterday in my department, which disproves the notion given to me some time ago: that as you age, the allergies tend to go away. My co-worker Dave told me he can't remember the last time he was coughing so much. My cousin's been under the weather as well. So it's true, folks: you can't pass off allergies around here as just a poor excuse.
Allergies have been an annual May & September occurrence for me since age four. I am allergic to almost everything outside except dust and dog/cat dander/fur. I won't soon forget the procedure I had done at age 11 to find out the source of my allergies. It was the longest two hours I ever spent at the pediatician. They injected about two dozen syrums of different pollens & allergens into your back, marked them, and then you had to lay on your stomach for nearly an hour without moving an inch. The fact I had extreme urges to twitch around within the first five minutes of that hour was enough to drive me nuts. I ended up babbling the entire time with endless conversation that caused my mother to leave the room twice in aggravation. She could not fathom how uncomfortable I was. And this was in the day where I didn't have back trouble; were I to get the tests now, I'd have to get my back injected by what I call "deadening formula".
Turned out I was allergic to almost everything green out there (money included, these days), and I ended up getting booster allergy shots for seven years afterward. But they did nothing; I never even passed the maintainence phase for seven years, which baffled the doctor. So I learned to live with the symptoms from then on. This year is worse than the last three, and I'm praying for June to come quick so these pollens can pass on through.
This, along with the 96 degree heat index, will preclude me from doing my normal Memorial Day running as detailed yesterday - maybe tomorrow. Anyway, I already know the answer to my flag question and I know I won't suffer shock tomorrow if I go.
May 28, 2006
Sixty years and they're still not convinced?
What a week at work. As of now my stress level is back to normal levels. I didn't really make that big a deal about the procedure change, which involved cleaning and setting up the room in a certain way. The person stressing me out over this actually didn't do those duties that very evening, so I felt better. Passenger loads today were the lowest I've seen for Memorial Day in the five years I've been there. I spent my downtime learning Microsoft Paint on the work computer and made a very hilarious picture of the afternoon room lead. Possibly a new "toy" for me on the home computer, since I can't burn music onto CDs right now.
What are the plans for Memorial Day? I'll be doing the same thing I've done for years (handed down by parents): go to the cemeteries where my mother and grandparents are buried.
I also get to find out if my Uncle Paul (who died 27 years before I was born) gets a flag on his grave by the V.F.W. I don't get this: he served honorably during World War II, and his headstone lists his service branch, AND my father gave me a news clipping on his death, which also listed his military record. And in the 20-plus years I've gone to that cemetery on Memorial Day, no flag! I remember going to the V.F.W. with my father so he could complain to the commander about this annual oversight. He would end up getting the same runaround - "We'll check into that." They either don't, or have very short memories.
This is blatant disrespect towards someone who served our country proudly. People might think a flag is a small detail, but also remember two things: It's the thought behind the flag that counts, and it's a sign of respect. I continued this tradition after my father moved to Arizona in 2000. So I will go to Meijer's tomorrow to get a flag. If they already have one on there, I'll know the V.F.W. will chalk that up to a "mistake". Shame on them - don't they remember all their members, past & present?
My favorite comic strip has: Pearls Before Swine, by Stephan Pastis, dedicated its Sunday page in remembrance of Middle East servicepeople. He did something likewise for Veteran's day in 2003, I believe. And you can tell it was his own idea, and not the cartoon syndicates. Otherwise, it's the nuttiest comic strip out there and one I die laughing at. When I figure out the "link" feature here, I'll link it for you.
Everything else is going well, but memories still pop up about the woman I "dated", 13 years my senior. I feel torn because there were reasons we broke apart, but could those reasons have been worked around? It's not like I've dated anybody since and, getting older, you have to wonder if I'll ever settle down and shift my life out of neutral. I think she truly did love me, even if she was somewhat possessive.
Joni Mitchell was right: You don't know what you got 'til it's gone.
What are the plans for Memorial Day? I'll be doing the same thing I've done for years (handed down by parents): go to the cemeteries where my mother and grandparents are buried.
I also get to find out if my Uncle Paul (who died 27 years before I was born) gets a flag on his grave by the V.F.W. I don't get this: he served honorably during World War II, and his headstone lists his service branch, AND my father gave me a news clipping on his death, which also listed his military record. And in the 20-plus years I've gone to that cemetery on Memorial Day, no flag! I remember going to the V.F.W. with my father so he could complain to the commander about this annual oversight. He would end up getting the same runaround - "We'll check into that." They either don't, or have very short memories.
This is blatant disrespect towards someone who served our country proudly. People might think a flag is a small detail, but also remember two things: It's the thought behind the flag that counts, and it's a sign of respect. I continued this tradition after my father moved to Arizona in 2000. So I will go to Meijer's tomorrow to get a flag. If they already have one on there, I'll know the V.F.W. will chalk that up to a "mistake". Shame on them - don't they remember all their members, past & present?
My favorite comic strip has: Pearls Before Swine, by Stephan Pastis, dedicated its Sunday page in remembrance of Middle East servicepeople. He did something likewise for Veteran's day in 2003, I believe. And you can tell it was his own idea, and not the cartoon syndicates. Otherwise, it's the nuttiest comic strip out there and one I die laughing at. When I figure out the "link" feature here, I'll link it for you.
Everything else is going well, but memories still pop up about the woman I "dated", 13 years my senior. I feel torn because there were reasons we broke apart, but could those reasons have been worked around? It's not like I've dated anybody since and, getting older, you have to wonder if I'll ever settle down and shift my life out of neutral. I think she truly did love me, even if she was somewhat possessive.
Joni Mitchell was right: You don't know what you got 'til it's gone.
May 25, 2006
Friendless friend of the friendless
I have always been told by family and other close associates that I was raised with good morals. It states in my profile that I possess "old-fashioned charm". I learned how to be a gentleman to the opposite sex, and how to treat everyone the way I would like to be treated. However, I take a look at my dwindling stable of friends the last six or so years, and I wonder how far my morals have taken me.
Take the boyfriend/girlfriend angle. I've not truly dated in nearly two years, but over the last five, a certain pattern has emerged. I'd like to end up with someone younger than me, but the opposite has occurred. The last "fling" I had was with a woman 13 years my senior (47). When all was said & done, the thought was "Why? Why did I do this? She could be my mother!"
Today, when a co-worker reminded me of her, I let the ten months' distance from that relationship come into play to where I could think rationally. Why was this woman attracted to me? Because of the old-fashioned charm. Apparently, women my age or younger cannot understand it. Just look at the way the world is today with all the negative stereotypes. They look at me and see me as a threat. "Hates gangsta rap? Stay away! Cold shoulder!" This woman's biggest draw to me was the fact she & I liked the Carpenters' music. Dated, old-fashioned charm. I now come to realize that, although the situations leading to the breakup were meant to be (with logical explanation), perhaps I should have seen things from her angle a bit more, and found out why she liked me so much, without having to wait the ten months.
Perhaps I am a little too rigid in my thinking or my likes & dislikes, and I can't understand why peers my age or younger can't "get into me". You can't change a person, but you can modify things to where they'll understand you better.
So when I tried chatting up a girl recently that was more than 10 years my junior, there was no hint of interest. I try to be a friend to all. This person hadn't dated, and didn't even think she could. She wanted companionship more than anything. I said yes, this is what I want as well. She deserves a friend more than anything, and perhaps it could lead to something better in time. I try to be a friend to the friendless, and I get kicked to the curb, while asking why.
Just another one to add to the list of friendships that have faded with time. More than anything, I like having a stable of friends where acceptance is mutual. I want to like everybody. But not everybody sees me that way, and I feel bad.
If it's the only instance where I wish my mother had let me see the world from one who had seen it all first hand, then perhaps I am luckier than I dare dream. But a more plausible and pleasant end result would always be more preferable.
Take the boyfriend/girlfriend angle. I've not truly dated in nearly two years, but over the last five, a certain pattern has emerged. I'd like to end up with someone younger than me, but the opposite has occurred. The last "fling" I had was with a woman 13 years my senior (47). When all was said & done, the thought was "Why? Why did I do this? She could be my mother!"
Today, when a co-worker reminded me of her, I let the ten months' distance from that relationship come into play to where I could think rationally. Why was this woman attracted to me? Because of the old-fashioned charm. Apparently, women my age or younger cannot understand it. Just look at the way the world is today with all the negative stereotypes. They look at me and see me as a threat. "Hates gangsta rap? Stay away! Cold shoulder!" This woman's biggest draw to me was the fact she & I liked the Carpenters' music. Dated, old-fashioned charm. I now come to realize that, although the situations leading to the breakup were meant to be (with logical explanation), perhaps I should have seen things from her angle a bit more, and found out why she liked me so much, without having to wait the ten months.
Perhaps I am a little too rigid in my thinking or my likes & dislikes, and I can't understand why peers my age or younger can't "get into me". You can't change a person, but you can modify things to where they'll understand you better.
So when I tried chatting up a girl recently that was more than 10 years my junior, there was no hint of interest. I try to be a friend to all. This person hadn't dated, and didn't even think she could. She wanted companionship more than anything. I said yes, this is what I want as well. She deserves a friend more than anything, and perhaps it could lead to something better in time. I try to be a friend to the friendless, and I get kicked to the curb, while asking why.
Just another one to add to the list of friendships that have faded with time. More than anything, I like having a stable of friends where acceptance is mutual. I want to like everybody. But not everybody sees me that way, and I feel bad.
If it's the only instance where I wish my mother had let me see the world from one who had seen it all first hand, then perhaps I am luckier than I dare dream. But a more plausible and pleasant end result would always be more preferable.
May 24, 2006
"All right, reverse gears..."*
That is the last time I ever order jumbo-sized hot dogs from Speedway gas station. True, hot dogs are not much of a breakfast for me every day, but I order them in order to have some food in me. The jumbos are on special now and I thought I'd be paying the same amount of money for virtually 1/3 more hot dog. They initially went down all right, until the digestive tract made its annual back-up, which had me indisposed for about an hour. Try throwing around 40 to 50 pound bags when it feels a weight that sized is lodged inside you. Better yet, since I don't wish that on my worst enemy, I digress.
It's just hard for me sometimes to find the time to cook breakfast before work since I start so darn early (4 AM), so I thought the convenience store would work wonders. It did, until today.
* Line above taken from "Bill Cosby: Himself"
The last half-hour of work and the drive home today is good for the poop chute. Once again, I was made aware of a new procedure that wasn't even told to me by my supervisor. Everybody around the room goes to sleep or drifts off after a certain hour, leaving me to do all the work every day for about four hours. Heck, wouldn't I love to drift off myself? I try to be responsible, but when I am notified of responsibilities at the last minute, it burns me.
Then our shuttle bus passes me and two pilots, in plain view, without even a slow down or back up. For me this is the third time it's happened this year. If they don't want to pick up employees (since I was told that some drivers intentionally miss us because we're not the tipping customers they want), why don't they just tell us this so we can find a better parking lot to go to?
And today I recrowned myself the CEO of the amber light brigade. I just slammed on the brakes all the way home at every traffic light. Who times those things? I don't need to be spending more money I don't have on car maintenance.
Don't get me wrong: the rest of the day went well. But I'm going to have a talk with the supervisor tomorrow to address today's issues, and try to find out why each shift there is held to a different standard and a different set of rules. I have to nip it in the bud before it blossoms.
It's just hard for me sometimes to find the time to cook breakfast before work since I start so darn early (4 AM), so I thought the convenience store would work wonders. It did, until today.
* Line above taken from "Bill Cosby: Himself"
The last half-hour of work and the drive home today is good for the poop chute. Once again, I was made aware of a new procedure that wasn't even told to me by my supervisor. Everybody around the room goes to sleep or drifts off after a certain hour, leaving me to do all the work every day for about four hours. Heck, wouldn't I love to drift off myself? I try to be responsible, but when I am notified of responsibilities at the last minute, it burns me.
Then our shuttle bus passes me and two pilots, in plain view, without even a slow down or back up. For me this is the third time it's happened this year. If they don't want to pick up employees (since I was told that some drivers intentionally miss us because we're not the tipping customers they want), why don't they just tell us this so we can find a better parking lot to go to?
And today I recrowned myself the CEO of the amber light brigade. I just slammed on the brakes all the way home at every traffic light. Who times those things? I don't need to be spending more money I don't have on car maintenance.
Don't get me wrong: the rest of the day went well. But I'm going to have a talk with the supervisor tomorrow to address today's issues, and try to find out why each shift there is held to a different standard and a different set of rules. I have to nip it in the bud before it blossoms.
May 23, 2006
Have they checked the nearby milk carton?
The search is on for Jimmy Hoffa again (probably commemorating the 30th anniversary of his disappearance one year late). There's a dig going on in a Milford Twp. MI farm (about 50 miles north of where I live) where witnesses have purported that his remains may lie. Agents say the dig should take about 2-3 weeks.
Hoffa is more well-known in death than he was alive. No fewer than ten possible places hold his remains. The latest one I read: stamped into some auto metal and shipped to Japan. Knowing the way auto bodies can corrode, it's probably been recycled once or twice since.
Why do they mount a new search 31 years later, when all the witnesses are dying off, and memories of the disappearance fade? It brings to life the JFK assassination case, which will never have a true conclusion.
In that case, being an assassination buff, I can see the story from both sides. I always wished that someone could be brought to justice for that murder. But many insiders were killed off during the 1960s; their information forever locked in the grave. Trying to pass a nugget of information through too many people results in fabricated accounts. A mock trial held 15 years ago acquited Lee Oswald of the crime, but who really believed it? And yet just look at ABC-TV's documentary aired two years ago as proof that there are many buffs like me out there, with evidence being refined and new viewpoints coming forth.
The fascination level is equal in Hoffa's case; any mystery is a good one. But what good would exhuming JFK's body be to further the case? How many more leads can we get? Likewise, why would we suddenly be drawn to the remains of Hoffa in one Michigan town 31 years after the fact?
Some murders just cannot be solved in spite of the evidence. And some cases are better off unsolved, like the two I've mentioned. They'll never find Hoffa and never track the killer. We'll never figure out JFK either. The fact these cases remain unsolved for all time has a beauty of mystery in it: that's what's drawn buffs like me to do the research and draw my own conclusions.
The only place we'll likely find him now is on the back of your milk carton for the missing.
Hoffa is more well-known in death than he was alive. No fewer than ten possible places hold his remains. The latest one I read: stamped into some auto metal and shipped to Japan. Knowing the way auto bodies can corrode, it's probably been recycled once or twice since.
Why do they mount a new search 31 years later, when all the witnesses are dying off, and memories of the disappearance fade? It brings to life the JFK assassination case, which will never have a true conclusion.
In that case, being an assassination buff, I can see the story from both sides. I always wished that someone could be brought to justice for that murder. But many insiders were killed off during the 1960s; their information forever locked in the grave. Trying to pass a nugget of information through too many people results in fabricated accounts. A mock trial held 15 years ago acquited Lee Oswald of the crime, but who really believed it? And yet just look at ABC-TV's documentary aired two years ago as proof that there are many buffs like me out there, with evidence being refined and new viewpoints coming forth.
The fascination level is equal in Hoffa's case; any mystery is a good one. But what good would exhuming JFK's body be to further the case? How many more leads can we get? Likewise, why would we suddenly be drawn to the remains of Hoffa in one Michigan town 31 years after the fact?
Some murders just cannot be solved in spite of the evidence. And some cases are better off unsolved, like the two I've mentioned. They'll never find Hoffa and never track the killer. We'll never figure out JFK either. The fact these cases remain unsolved for all time has a beauty of mystery in it: that's what's drawn buffs like me to do the research and draw my own conclusions.
The only place we'll likely find him now is on the back of your milk carton for the missing.
May 22, 2006
The thoughts don't amount to much...
Definitely not much going through this passive mind today, as the annual May allergies begin to take their toll again.
Some of you may have been wondering about when photos will debut here. Tomorrow, the long road to the internet ends when I finally get it hooked up at the house, and I will definitely upload some pictures here. In a private setting, I can definitely say more than I do now.
But darned that my roommate broke my digital camera on one of his overseas trips. He rented a camera for himself after that and I went to the Rent-A-Center to price a basic model -- they're all sold out. What a time for that, as I just got back from the best haircut I've had in ages, and I was going to take a picture of it, too!
I took a day off the computer yesterday to do much-needed yardwork. One thing about my neighborhood; the neighbors always pry into your business. If you're not taking care of your house, they'll tell you in no flattering terms. A section of yard hadn't been weeded in two years, so I took care of that yesterday. Hey, it earned a thumbs-up from the neighbors who'd been nailing me behind my back - definitely worth my while.
Some of you may have been wondering about when photos will debut here. Tomorrow, the long road to the internet ends when I finally get it hooked up at the house, and I will definitely upload some pictures here. In a private setting, I can definitely say more than I do now.
But darned that my roommate broke my digital camera on one of his overseas trips. He rented a camera for himself after that and I went to the Rent-A-Center to price a basic model -- they're all sold out. What a time for that, as I just got back from the best haircut I've had in ages, and I was going to take a picture of it, too!
I took a day off the computer yesterday to do much-needed yardwork. One thing about my neighborhood; the neighbors always pry into your business. If you're not taking care of your house, they'll tell you in no flattering terms. A section of yard hadn't been weeded in two years, so I took care of that yesterday. Hey, it earned a thumbs-up from the neighbors who'd been nailing me behind my back - definitely worth my while.
May 20, 2006
Driving is a strong point; just not a favorite point
Perhaps this is what you get when you live in a metropolitan area like I do: countless streams of traffic going everywhere, with road rage on the increase. I learned to drive at a late age (21) because of fears I had about how other traffic would fare against me. Throughout, I have obeyed the rules of the road and driven defensively. The result has been a very good driving record.
Of late, it's getting to be a chore to drive because of the aforementioned road rage. These incidents are all too real, and I've come close to being involved (last week, for instance). Some of these people I encounter, even if verifiably sober, act like their lane stretches from one end of the roadway to the other.
On the way to the employee parking lot from work at the airport, our bus was pulling out and was overtaking a car marked "Student Driver". The two lanes were merging into one, and with a full burst of speed, the bus driver crossed the white line and passed the student at a higher rate of speed than law would allow. I only wonder what the instructor in the student's car was saying. Not putting all the blame on the driver, but why an instructor would take a raw learner and put him/her smack in the middle of the 11th busiest airport in the country at prime rush hour, I am at a loss. I give the kid guts.
Then on the way to the "internet place", a car nearly cuts me off trying to turn north from west, riding the left turn lane all the way and matching his speed alongside me in the thru lane. This is what scares me more than anything. As much as I would like to abide by the law 100%, I sometimes do use the left turn lane to try merging right. But I stay in one place and wait for a gap to form before I try a manuever. If the person is concerned only with their speed, will they even think of their accuracy?
Many people are leaving their cars at home and bike/walk to work thanks to the gas prices. With today's experience, I would leave the car at home for personal, rather than fiscal, safety and sanity.
Of late, it's getting to be a chore to drive because of the aforementioned road rage. These incidents are all too real, and I've come close to being involved (last week, for instance). Some of these people I encounter, even if verifiably sober, act like their lane stretches from one end of the roadway to the other.
On the way to the employee parking lot from work at the airport, our bus was pulling out and was overtaking a car marked "Student Driver". The two lanes were merging into one, and with a full burst of speed, the bus driver crossed the white line and passed the student at a higher rate of speed than law would allow. I only wonder what the instructor in the student's car was saying. Not putting all the blame on the driver, but why an instructor would take a raw learner and put him/her smack in the middle of the 11th busiest airport in the country at prime rush hour, I am at a loss. I give the kid guts.
Then on the way to the "internet place", a car nearly cuts me off trying to turn north from west, riding the left turn lane all the way and matching his speed alongside me in the thru lane. This is what scares me more than anything. As much as I would like to abide by the law 100%, I sometimes do use the left turn lane to try merging right. But I stay in one place and wait for a gap to form before I try a manuever. If the person is concerned only with their speed, will they even think of their accuracy?
Many people are leaving their cars at home and bike/walk to work thanks to the gas prices. With today's experience, I would leave the car at home for personal, rather than fiscal, safety and sanity.
May 18, 2006
Hard times in Detroit Rock City
Detroit sports fans have seen their share of rocky roads over the last six months or so. The sports pages here have never been shy of drama in the "what will they do next" thinking (although we will never rival the New York Post for the scamming headlines). Each of our four pro sports has a gray cloud over it for various reasons.
* Detroit Pistons - Currently on the verge of being upset by the Cleveland Cavaliers after being primed to win their second NBA title in three years. Execution on the court has just collapsed in the team's losing three straight... I think their run on top may be over and I actually hope they end this nightmare soon. And for those who think the club should re-sign Ben Wallace, I disagree. He is more one-dimensional, is the worst in free-throwing, and his attitude is called into question. Plus, coach Flip Saunders' history suggests he can't get too far in the playoffs.
* Detroit Red Wings - Another playoff shocker in the first round this year, which will hopefully lead to some housecleaning. The team is too old, and ownership has tried too hard lately to recapture past magic with the same roster. People need to retire and move on as the team retools itself. Age killed the team, not the new salary cap.
* Detroit Tigers - Off to their best start in 13 years, their supposed leader, Dmitri Young, now faces jail time for abusing a woman some time ago. Injury-plagued and unproductive as he's been recently, the team may not miss him. Hopefully, they will miss the searing headlines and the inevitable distractions it may cause; as I really root for them to do well. And does it run in the family? Remember, his younger brother is suspended indefinitely for unsportsmanlike conduct.
* Detroit Lions - This is more a generational thing, and has provided Jay Leno with enough jokes to keep Conan O'Brien from taking over the Tonight Show too soon! Countless coaches, shuffled QBs, and franchise players who don't form a foundation for the team. All under one owner all these years. Time to sell the team to someone who really knows football.
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A couple notes: The email for blog response will be changing - I had too many problems with Yahoo not sending emails. Look for the change in the next few days.
And: My local library (where I'm typing this), earlier faced with closing, will not close after all due to funding issues. I have worked in libraries before, as has my late mother, and I will say this: A computer can give you a world of information, but NOTHING beats a library for the complete research experience.
* Detroit Pistons - Currently on the verge of being upset by the Cleveland Cavaliers after being primed to win their second NBA title in three years. Execution on the court has just collapsed in the team's losing three straight... I think their run on top may be over and I actually hope they end this nightmare soon. And for those who think the club should re-sign Ben Wallace, I disagree. He is more one-dimensional, is the worst in free-throwing, and his attitude is called into question. Plus, coach Flip Saunders' history suggests he can't get too far in the playoffs.
* Detroit Red Wings - Another playoff shocker in the first round this year, which will hopefully lead to some housecleaning. The team is too old, and ownership has tried too hard lately to recapture past magic with the same roster. People need to retire and move on as the team retools itself. Age killed the team, not the new salary cap.
* Detroit Tigers - Off to their best start in 13 years, their supposed leader, Dmitri Young, now faces jail time for abusing a woman some time ago. Injury-plagued and unproductive as he's been recently, the team may not miss him. Hopefully, they will miss the searing headlines and the inevitable distractions it may cause; as I really root for them to do well. And does it run in the family? Remember, his younger brother is suspended indefinitely for unsportsmanlike conduct.
* Detroit Lions - This is more a generational thing, and has provided Jay Leno with enough jokes to keep Conan O'Brien from taking over the Tonight Show too soon! Countless coaches, shuffled QBs, and franchise players who don't form a foundation for the team. All under one owner all these years. Time to sell the team to someone who really knows football.
-------------
A couple notes: The email for blog response will be changing - I had too many problems with Yahoo not sending emails. Look for the change in the next few days.
And: My local library (where I'm typing this), earlier faced with closing, will not close after all due to funding issues. I have worked in libraries before, as has my late mother, and I will say this: A computer can give you a world of information, but NOTHING beats a library for the complete research experience.
May 17, 2006
Second-half equals second-rate
Today was my first day back at work at the airport after a ten-day vacation. Carpal Tunnel aside, it went well. But to prove some things never change, I was left in charge of the department for the last five hours of the day, with virtually no support help available. Everyone I had was yanked to the other (outdoor) department, leaving me all the passenger baggage checked in from 8AM - 12:30 PM.
I keep wondering how this happens. We have always been short-staffed for one reason or another. The company had a hiring blitz recently and we picked up an additional ten workers. This would fill the gaps quite nicely, don't you think? Not on your life. No matter how many people we seem to hire, I always work with a skeleton crew after a certain hour.
Being the head of the department, I don't mind. I can do the job when the mind permits. But some higher-ups think I'm not suited to run the department; that I can't be trusted. Well, if they can have me run it the final four hours, what about the first four hours - which would eliminate pulling people from department to department? There's not much to prove in that second half of the day, which means second rate. There's only two planes to do in that time. Why not just trust me and let me have the room the whole day? It would safe a lot of shifting headaches.
How did I prepare for my first day back, you ask? Twelve sugar cookies for breakfast! I'm actually glad I eat anything these days. Prior to the vacation this month, I was lucky to have an order of fries from work as the only sustinence of the day. I've always been a fussy eater and I dreaded having to admit to my father than my eating habits hadn't significantly changed since he last saw me. If he sees this entry, he'll probably have a stroke.
Oh well, I figure this much: if there's not much choice for my food, let it be sugar, and let it help me have the energetic days at work that I've not been accused of having lately. It all falls in with my "you only live once" policy on life.
I keep wondering how this happens. We have always been short-staffed for one reason or another. The company had a hiring blitz recently and we picked up an additional ten workers. This would fill the gaps quite nicely, don't you think? Not on your life. No matter how many people we seem to hire, I always work with a skeleton crew after a certain hour.
Being the head of the department, I don't mind. I can do the job when the mind permits. But some higher-ups think I'm not suited to run the department; that I can't be trusted. Well, if they can have me run it the final four hours, what about the first four hours - which would eliminate pulling people from department to department? There's not much to prove in that second half of the day, which means second rate. There's only two planes to do in that time. Why not just trust me and let me have the room the whole day? It would safe a lot of shifting headaches.
How did I prepare for my first day back, you ask? Twelve sugar cookies for breakfast! I'm actually glad I eat anything these days. Prior to the vacation this month, I was lucky to have an order of fries from work as the only sustinence of the day. I've always been a fussy eater and I dreaded having to admit to my father than my eating habits hadn't significantly changed since he last saw me. If he sees this entry, he'll probably have a stroke.
Oh well, I figure this much: if there's not much choice for my food, let it be sugar, and let it help me have the energetic days at work that I've not been accused of having lately. It all falls in with my "you only live once" policy on life.
May 16, 2006
"Otis Spunkmeyer"
Has anyone out there heard of this name? I'm not saying I don't, now. Otis Spunkmeyer refers to a brand of chocolate chip cookies I get during my Monday afternoon bowling tour. The company sends them to the lanes, and they bake them fresh. I know, it sounds like Pillsbury. But these are ten times better than Pillsbury or any of those other "fakers". Try as I might, I don't know if it's an actual grocery store brand or not. No one here outside of the bowling lanes knows what I'm talking about. Next week I will attempt to find more about this, because these cookies are to DIE for.
Speaking of bowling... no Pete, no problems. I didn't do very well, but there was no pressure on me to be too competitive. The group actually had its most fun in over a month.
We got just enough break from the rain today to where I could cut down the forest in front of my house, and my cousin's house as well. But I may as well scrap the shoes; they are waterlogged. You know Michigan as the Great Lakes State? Change it to Great LAKE. As in, only one. As in, the state will be submerged at the rate we're going. Oh well, always puts to mind a pathetic joke I heard years ago regarding the May rain:
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims. lol lol lol
Hope everyone stays dry out there!
Speaking of bowling... no Pete, no problems. I didn't do very well, but there was no pressure on me to be too competitive. The group actually had its most fun in over a month.
We got just enough break from the rain today to where I could cut down the forest in front of my house, and my cousin's house as well. But I may as well scrap the shoes; they are waterlogged. You know Michigan as the Great Lakes State? Change it to Great LAKE. As in, only one. As in, the state will be submerged at the rate we're going. Oh well, always puts to mind a pathetic joke I heard years ago regarding the May rain:
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims. lol lol lol
Hope everyone stays dry out there!
May 15, 2006
Of competitors, phobias and re-gifted opportunities
What a depressing trip to the Kinko's Downriver in Michigan today, simply because of the weather. Six days' rain with no letup! Am I in Michigan or underneath Niagara Falls, I wonder...
Getting set for my weekly bowling gig with friends of my late uncle's, and every time I go, I get a dose of my past. I never competed in many sporting events in my life; perhaps because I am a born perfectionist. Perfectionists breed a harbor of ultra-competiveness which rubs it into an opponent when you succeed, but turns you into a black hole, taking everyone else with you, when you don't. I recall and now freely admit I was never the "take-it-in-stride" type when it came to anything competitive, namely bowling. Out of a league now for two years, I aim to enjoy attempting a 200 (never mind 300) every so often, and I've been doing this for nearly 30 years.
But going on these Monday trips is a play-at-your-own-risk game for me, because my childhood keeps biting me on the behind in the form of Pete, an ultra-competitive sort who never hesitiates to stick it to you when he wins. At first glance, he'd be escorted off the lanes quickly because his approach lands him on the wrong foot. You'd think he has no talent at all, especially with a straight ball. But darned if he isn't one of the lucky ones who always gets that bounce and ends up beating me. And it makes me regret being there every time he does this as he gets into my head and makes me forget why I went there in the first place. The rare times I do beat him, he has the resilience of soggy bread.
I've heard of trash-talk in hoops, and I guess this is what happens on the lanes. Why it's me he always picks on, I'll never know. I don't claim to be the pro and my scores prove it. Why do I need reminders there are those better than me?... And still I go, thinking that something might change. I guess you can't lose hope.
... I wouldn't blame some of my family for disowning me at this point. My older cousin graduated from Michigan State recently and I was primed to attend the ceremony. But I backed out for the same reasons as before: I don't trust my car on an 80-mile trip. This seems like rubbish when you consider almost $800 of work has been put into engine flushes, ignition coils, tune-ups and oil changes in the last two months. Save a so-so battery and there should be no reason why I can't criss-cross the state.
Phobias do exist, however -- three years ago the engine pistons gave out on my old LeBaron in the middle of I-94 during rush hour. That I was able to get off the road was a miracle, but I never forgot it, and that's what hampers me today. This does not bode well for a man who loves going to Canada as often as possible, but who hasn't done it in four years. Should be interesting to see which vibe wins this battle, but I can only let my family down so many times.
... And how many times do I stare opportunity in the face and freeze? I am a telecommunication major (television) from college who spent 10 years enjoying the craft. Due to transport problems and people problems from the previous regime, I faded from view. Now my friend Darlene is trying her darndest to get me back off my long layoff, but why do I seem to be resisting a chance to get back doing what I do best? It's hard to tell her I've felt totally out of place on occasion. But before I hit the lanes, I'll have to email her; at least I owe her a more complete and rational explanation.
All this, and I'm supposed to be on vacation! Almost seems like unpaid work to me!
Getting set for my weekly bowling gig with friends of my late uncle's, and every time I go, I get a dose of my past. I never competed in many sporting events in my life; perhaps because I am a born perfectionist. Perfectionists breed a harbor of ultra-competiveness which rubs it into an opponent when you succeed, but turns you into a black hole, taking everyone else with you, when you don't. I recall and now freely admit I was never the "take-it-in-stride" type when it came to anything competitive, namely bowling. Out of a league now for two years, I aim to enjoy attempting a 200 (never mind 300) every so often, and I've been doing this for nearly 30 years.
But going on these Monday trips is a play-at-your-own-risk game for me, because my childhood keeps biting me on the behind in the form of Pete, an ultra-competitive sort who never hesitiates to stick it to you when he wins. At first glance, he'd be escorted off the lanes quickly because his approach lands him on the wrong foot. You'd think he has no talent at all, especially with a straight ball. But darned if he isn't one of the lucky ones who always gets that bounce and ends up beating me. And it makes me regret being there every time he does this as he gets into my head and makes me forget why I went there in the first place. The rare times I do beat him, he has the resilience of soggy bread.
I've heard of trash-talk in hoops, and I guess this is what happens on the lanes. Why it's me he always picks on, I'll never know. I don't claim to be the pro and my scores prove it. Why do I need reminders there are those better than me?... And still I go, thinking that something might change. I guess you can't lose hope.
... I wouldn't blame some of my family for disowning me at this point. My older cousin graduated from Michigan State recently and I was primed to attend the ceremony. But I backed out for the same reasons as before: I don't trust my car on an 80-mile trip. This seems like rubbish when you consider almost $800 of work has been put into engine flushes, ignition coils, tune-ups and oil changes in the last two months. Save a so-so battery and there should be no reason why I can't criss-cross the state.
Phobias do exist, however -- three years ago the engine pistons gave out on my old LeBaron in the middle of I-94 during rush hour. That I was able to get off the road was a miracle, but I never forgot it, and that's what hampers me today. This does not bode well for a man who loves going to Canada as often as possible, but who hasn't done it in four years. Should be interesting to see which vibe wins this battle, but I can only let my family down so many times.
... And how many times do I stare opportunity in the face and freeze? I am a telecommunication major (television) from college who spent 10 years enjoying the craft. Due to transport problems and people problems from the previous regime, I faded from view. Now my friend Darlene is trying her darndest to get me back off my long layoff, but why do I seem to be resisting a chance to get back doing what I do best? It's hard to tell her I've felt totally out of place on occasion. But before I hit the lanes, I'll have to email her; at least I owe her a more complete and rational explanation.
All this, and I'm supposed to be on vacation! Almost seems like unpaid work to me!
May 14, 2006
Mother's Day filled with take-backs (sort-of)
Happy Mom's day to all moms that may be looking me over! Seriously, I hope your day goes well. I lost my mom eight years ago but I still send her wishes. She helped make me into the person I am today.
To conclude yesterday's rant about the roommate situation - I get home yesterday from Arizona and found out he's still not been home going on two weeks now; so he's had no way to know what's going on. This is what happens when flights are overbooked. I myself came awfully close yesterday on the flight from Chicago - perhaps I could have ended up on A&E's "Airline", since I did take Southwest, after all. I was in no mood to spend overnight in Chicago. So I was greeted with one week's worth of mail - all for him. Leaves me no choice but to absolve him from the majority of my venom from yesterday. I'll just tell him (if I tell him about this blog) that I started it in June, not May :)
It seemed weird to come home yesterday with no phone, computer or cable television. There certainly wasn't much to do! I'll take care of the electric bill today (on my own, of course) so that I don't have to bring the candles out.
Above all, I'm thankful for a good trip out west and am looking forward to a couple days' relaxation before the grind of work hits again. Southwest did an outstanding job transporting me back & forth... upon landing yesterday in Detroit, the flight attendant broke out into the Beverly Hillbillies song, which had us all cracking up. That's what I remember from years past - the outstanding if not unusual customer service.
Darned I wish I had a digital camera - because Michigan has been socked with rain since the day I left, and are expecting rain every day this week coming. Arizona, meanwhile, had just .3 inches of rain this year and had a 100-day drought at one time. It says something when the cacti begin to shrivel due to lack of water!
I'll post more interesting things about me tomorrow; the last couple days, things had to come clean as you can see.
To conclude yesterday's rant about the roommate situation - I get home yesterday from Arizona and found out he's still not been home going on two weeks now; so he's had no way to know what's going on. This is what happens when flights are overbooked. I myself came awfully close yesterday on the flight from Chicago - perhaps I could have ended up on A&E's "Airline", since I did take Southwest, after all. I was in no mood to spend overnight in Chicago. So I was greeted with one week's worth of mail - all for him. Leaves me no choice but to absolve him from the majority of my venom from yesterday. I'll just tell him (if I tell him about this blog) that I started it in June, not May :)
It seemed weird to come home yesterday with no phone, computer or cable television. There certainly wasn't much to do! I'll take care of the electric bill today (on my own, of course) so that I don't have to bring the candles out.
Above all, I'm thankful for a good trip out west and am looking forward to a couple days' relaxation before the grind of work hits again. Southwest did an outstanding job transporting me back & forth... upon landing yesterday in Detroit, the flight attendant broke out into the Beverly Hillbillies song, which had us all cracking up. That's what I remember from years past - the outstanding if not unusual customer service.
Darned I wish I had a digital camera - because Michigan has been socked with rain since the day I left, and are expecting rain every day this week coming. Arizona, meanwhile, had just .3 inches of rain this year and had a 100-day drought at one time. It says something when the cacti begin to shrivel due to lack of water!
I'll post more interesting things about me tomorrow; the last couple days, things had to come clean as you can see.
May 13, 2006
When terming someone "forgetful" understates reality
Hey, surprised myself by getting up two hours early for my trip to the airport. I'm on my way back home today after a very nice six days, as I mentioned before. What was nicer was that I didn't see that "forgetful roommate" for nearly three straight weeks. We have some issues now, and the break has probably been good for both of us, but the problem can't be avoided and left to fester forever.
This roommate is nearly 40 years old and doesn't know how to manage life's priorities. He has a fiancee in the Phillipines who is nice enough, but c'mon. They have only seen each other five times in person, and were engaged on just the second visit. The roommate makes $6 more an hour than I do, yet I seem to be the only one that can save money? Where does all his money go? To his fiancee and his constant trips overseas. Where doesn't his money go? To the household bills and to the rent. There have been times I've nearly had to cover the entire rent, which on my paycheck is not recommended.
I know that in the game of life there's no looking back; that forward is the ultimate direction you move yourself. But don't you also look from side to side at times, noting what's there NOW, and taking care of priorities NOW? Sponging off me may cost him, since he has been alienated by his family. Whether they would have bailed him out is immaterial right now, but he would have nowhere to go.
I therefore find myself in the dubious position of having to teach someone older than me, once again, how to live life and prioritize correctly. The fiancee will have to wait, as dreamy as she may be. How will he fund where he lives now? If she cannot understand that, then my true fears are realized: she is just another of those people who want to come over to this country and sham him for everything he has. No one deserves that, initially.
But if I can't get through to him... then why waste the energy, I suppose. Am I really wrong?
This roommate is nearly 40 years old and doesn't know how to manage life's priorities. He has a fiancee in the Phillipines who is nice enough, but c'mon. They have only seen each other five times in person, and were engaged on just the second visit. The roommate makes $6 more an hour than I do, yet I seem to be the only one that can save money? Where does all his money go? To his fiancee and his constant trips overseas. Where doesn't his money go? To the household bills and to the rent. There have been times I've nearly had to cover the entire rent, which on my paycheck is not recommended.
I know that in the game of life there's no looking back; that forward is the ultimate direction you move yourself. But don't you also look from side to side at times, noting what's there NOW, and taking care of priorities NOW? Sponging off me may cost him, since he has been alienated by his family. Whether they would have bailed him out is immaterial right now, but he would have nowhere to go.
I therefore find myself in the dubious position of having to teach someone older than me, once again, how to live life and prioritize correctly. The fiancee will have to wait, as dreamy as she may be. How will he fund where he lives now? If she cannot understand that, then my true fears are realized: she is just another of those people who want to come over to this country and sham him for everything he has. No one deserves that, initially.
But if I can't get through to him... then why waste the energy, I suppose. Am I really wrong?
May 12, 2006
Just for starters
Talk about auspicious debuts (or is that IN-auspicious?), here marks my first-ever blog entry. This after 20-plus years of working on computers already! I've tried like crazy to produce & promote my own site, but I can't find a reliable site to host it. This a is good substitute.
I'm in the midst of a six-day excursion to Arizona, my first venture west of the Mississippi in my life. I live near Detroit, MI., and have for all my life. Arizona's dry heat has actually been more beneficial to me than Michigan's humidity; it's easier to breathe and allergies don't affect me so much. But I can't get used to seeing cactus every three feet or so - it throws me off.
This marks my first time seeing my father in six years, and it's gone pretty well so far. He's happy in retirement and that's all that matters.
When I get home, I get to look forward to paying a huge internet bill thanks to a forgetful roommate... but when I get that taken care of I will share more of my life's experiences and whatnot. They always say, "that's one small step for man"... here's mine.
I'm in the midst of a six-day excursion to Arizona, my first venture west of the Mississippi in my life. I live near Detroit, MI., and have for all my life. Arizona's dry heat has actually been more beneficial to me than Michigan's humidity; it's easier to breathe and allergies don't affect me so much. But I can't get used to seeing cactus every three feet or so - it throws me off.
This marks my first time seeing my father in six years, and it's gone pretty well so far. He's happy in retirement and that's all that matters.
When I get home, I get to look forward to paying a huge internet bill thanks to a forgetful roommate... but when I get that taken care of I will share more of my life's experiences and whatnot. They always say, "that's one small step for man"... here's mine.
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