I have always been told by family and other close associates that I was raised with good morals. It states in my profile that I possess "old-fashioned charm". I learned how to be a gentleman to the opposite sex, and how to treat everyone the way I would like to be treated. However, I take a look at my dwindling stable of friends the last six or so years, and I wonder how far my morals have taken me.
Take the boyfriend/girlfriend angle. I've not truly dated in nearly two years, but over the last five, a certain pattern has emerged. I'd like to end up with someone younger than me, but the opposite has occurred. The last "fling" I had was with a woman 13 years my senior (47). When all was said & done, the thought was "Why? Why did I do this? She could be my mother!"
Today, when a co-worker reminded me of her, I let the ten months' distance from that relationship come into play to where I could think rationally. Why was this woman attracted to me? Because of the old-fashioned charm. Apparently, women my age or younger cannot understand it. Just look at the way the world is today with all the negative stereotypes. They look at me and see me as a threat. "Hates gangsta rap? Stay away! Cold shoulder!" This woman's biggest draw to me was the fact she & I liked the Carpenters' music. Dated, old-fashioned charm. I now come to realize that, although the situations leading to the breakup were meant to be (with logical explanation), perhaps I should have seen things from her angle a bit more, and found out why she liked me so much, without having to wait the ten months.
Perhaps I am a little too rigid in my thinking or my likes & dislikes, and I can't understand why peers my age or younger can't "get into me". You can't change a person, but you can modify things to where they'll understand you better.
So when I tried chatting up a girl recently that was more than 10 years my junior, there was no hint of interest. I try to be a friend to all. This person hadn't dated, and didn't even think she could. She wanted companionship more than anything. I said yes, this is what I want as well. She deserves a friend more than anything, and perhaps it could lead to something better in time. I try to be a friend to the friendless, and I get kicked to the curb, while asking why.
Just another one to add to the list of friendships that have faded with time. More than anything, I like having a stable of friends where acceptance is mutual. I want to like everybody. But not everybody sees me that way, and I feel bad.
If it's the only instance where I wish my mother had let me see the world from one who had seen it all first hand, then perhaps I am luckier than I dare dream. But a more plausible and pleasant end result would always be more preferable.
