One of the strongest boyfriend/girlfriend relationships I have known has actually cooled down. This young couple seemed to have a lot going for each other, and she was always beaming when it came to discussing her boyfriend.
Everything was going well, then all of a sudden things ground to a halt over indeciveness. I can only be led to believe that the indeciveness was over when the big wedding date would be; as I'm sure other less important indecisions could be shrugged off, or worked on.
Let's face it, marriage is a big decision to make. And without saying that marriage is a sham (which it's not), it's not an issue I would make immediate decisions on. The point is: Do not fret if that issue is what can't be decided upon.
Through eight girlfriends, I've only been engaged one time, in 1998. The events leading up to that engagement were actually devoid of pressure and came about so easily that it surprised me. A diamond ring didn't even signify this event: all that was needed was a $7 black pearl ring from T.J. Maxx because, according to the girl, it was the thought that counted. We may have broken up five months later, but even in that short a time span, the "date" was never discussed. I had just finished up my associate's degree but was contemplating getting credits towards a bachelor's degree. She was inching her way through college, not so sure of her major. But she was very social, being a member of the college's student senate and had a very active life outside of school.
It was good enough for both of us to know that we reserved ourselves for each other; we knew it was going to happen, but the date was out of our control. Who wanted to do all the planning on who to invite, where to hold it, and even a Plan B if things didn't work? Neither of us, because we were still working on our futures.
People in this day & age can get married for the wrong reasons; but just as importantly they can get married before their time. What can result are plenty of broken hearts that can take the mental life out of people. Why is there so much pressure to squeeze so much into so little time? Life cannot be enjoyed if it has to stick to a strict timeframe.
The pressure was hardly on this young couple until they were discussing wedding plans. A decision couldn't be made, so now the whole thing apparently heads south. What about all that was worked on to build the relationship to that peak? I wouldn't consider that worth tearing it all apart. Rather, I would feel safer putting plans on hold, and not plunge into them headfirst without knowing the consequences. Where's the need to impress people by being so quick and efficient with the marriage question? Relationships take time and each step needs to be ascended very slowly.
I wish the young couple in question nothing but the best. Perhaps a time of rest is called for before they go in over their heads. As time passes and they make the right decisions, it will only strengthen the bond between them. It's a good way to test their smarts and see how completely compatible they really are, because compromise can never be stressed enough.
Without being married before, I can venture to say that is what keeps most marriages humble - and happy.
