For those who may not have guessed, I may as well admit: I have been on medication since 2005 in order to control symptoms related to (but not directly pointed to) psychotic natures. If anyone reading this blog thru the past year wondered about that mysterious 5-month gap in my work career in 2005 mentioned previously, it was due to a nervous breakdown suffered in March of that year, as pressures from work and personal natures finally got to me.
I am proud to say that through the techniques provided during my week-long hospital stay, I have turned out to be more slow-witted than before, and more willing to take constructive criticism and pressure than I was before. It has helped immeasurably in work & responsibility for me and has been noted by co-workers who formerly deemed me lazy.
Crazy nighttime dreams were noted way before this "crash", and are still being noted now. What was most noteworthy was last night: for the first time in eons, I didn't wake up due to a nightmare.
I am becoming aware of a shortcoming in the quality of psychology I have received of late. Doctors in that field seem to be taking on a materialisitc way of thinking, like so many people do in their jobs: they rush you through a session so they can meet the next person, thereby meeting their daily quota. Does no one think about truly caring for a person, or even faking their way through a session?
I blab on & on during the sessions, and I would hope for some "blabbing" on their part to give me a clue. That hardly happens now, and makes going to a session counter-productive.
I do not live life on the edge; there's no suspenseful drama in my life during waking hours -- insomuch as I don't intentionally try to make myself worse off. I have experienced the afflictions of psychotic-like dreams all of my life and have no idea why, or why they won't even reduce in number (let alone cease to exist). To use the term "surrealisitc" would in fact downplay the term: too many psychologists would probably prefer retirement over helping me with this concern.
I'm teased all the time by Steve, who says I spend 90% of my waking time in my room. Okay, I may not be willing to face life's struggles, but I'm not afraid of them, having spent years working through them. But how much of that 90% is actually spent in peaceful, productive slumber with no drama or horror? It almost seems like one has dropped acid and is on a powerful high with everything spinning, and events going out of control.
Is that any way to calm a mind which usually goes through enough pressure and stress in the real world?
